Evaluate, do not just perceive....

Whenever I listen to people around me, I tend to speculate, speculate the conditions which have made them speak something, speculate the situations they are dealing with and practically speculate every single moment which have helped in carving the personality which spoke a word or two. I do this out of my curiosity to know people better, I do this because I like to study human nature.

This is the reason I am curious to talk to each and every person out there because I know I would get a great amount of experience that would help me dodge the hurdles that I will experience in the future.

The same curiousness made me an outspoken and outwardly person whom the people generally mistake for a clingy personality. But I am fine with what people perceive about me, because they have never been on the same journey which I undertook to reach where I stand now.

But despite my image I have never stopped talking to new people in an effort to understand the basic human nature.

As far as I can understand from my analysis of human nature, people tend to think less and create a perception more. Once a person reaches a particular stage in life, he/she tends to leave everything which is below his/her level, to perception and just structure the thoughts which come to his/her mind. By structuring I mean to say that people do not make an effort to personally access every single person that comes in their life and instead have perception about a person related to looks, personality and other parameters. If a person is quiet, he is said to be loner, if a person speaks much, he is clingy,  if someone is not fair, this means the person is not beautiful, and if someone is fair, the person is haughty.

Perceptions are developed from the first instance of meeting a person, and this is the reason the world lately is becoming a place where people are active on the social media, but are reclusive in the society.

But the problem with perceptions is that they are just a figment of our imagination. They are nowhere near to the stark realities of life. We perceive only what we see, and forget that there is always another side to a particular situation.

But who cares, it is not my job to understand each and every one and act accordingly with him/her, you would say. But at the same time then, it is also not your job to label someone with a tag without consideration. Because when you make a person feel something because of your behavior which is guided by your perception, you indirectly make a person feel bad about himself or herself because of your conduct with him/her and in turn feel bad about you too. Then if a person develops an aversion to you, there is a chain of negativity around you that would not only hamper your productivity but also your peace of mind.

Let me narrate an incident, which would make my point clear

“ Aparna was a new joinee in the creative department of a

big ad agency in Mumbai. As she was new to the city and

was brought up in a conservative family, she was naturally a bit

shy and quiet by nature. She was definitely talented for she was

the youngest recruit the company had in its history, just because

of her designing and creative skills which had impressed the

creative head, landing her in an enviable position across the

department. As her work impressed the senior management,

she soon struck a chord with various wings of the company.

But she was an introvert, and never spoke much about herself,

nor was she ever interested in casual chat ups or got much

involved in small celebrations that the department staff celebrated

and enjoyed. This made every one create a negative image of

her in the mind. She was soon out casted as someone with great

attitude, in reality, she was afraid and insecure about her

appearance, about her way of talking which made her die each

single day because firstly she herself was afraid to interact

with people, and then people too started ignoring her.

This made her negative about her abilities and soon she resigned

from her job stating that she is not able to adjust with the

team and the environment. The management was surprised at her

reaction because she loved her work and was performing well. The

management took it as a case of negative working environment

condition because of some employees and a few had to wipe

their hands off their jobs due to disciplinary action.”

What happened in this case?

Aparna perceived that people had a negative image of her. Her colleagues took her as someone with a snooty attitude, and this resulted in the loss of everyone.

That is why it is said that before judging someone, step into their shoes so as to understand why a person is as such. Yes it is fine when a person says that he cannot screen every other person whom he meets, but it is essential to understand people, with whom you have daily interaction in your lives, your colleagues, your boss, your parents, your siblings, your friends, your girlfriend/boyfriend, your neighbours, etc. who are an integral part of your lives. Before creating a perception and judging someone, try to look beyond what is visible at the surface, and try to dig deep to understand the real personality.

This would serve dual benefits, number one, you would be in a better position to help someone and in turn be contended about doing a good deed, and at the same time would add sweetness to every relation you keep throughout your life. You would receive immense love and happiness from the people around you and everyone knows that love and happiness are the two things for which every human strives in life.

Whenever I listen to the phrase that there are two sides of a story and two faces of the same coin, I try to keep in mind that I would turn each page and flip the coin to trace what lies behind my line of sight, so as to be a better person, and deliver something which is of use to the other person and try to make this world a better place to live in.

It is fine for people to judge me because of prejudices because I have a principle of not changing myself for others. I am what I am, and if you want to know who I am, you have to do the needful and put in an extra effort to flip the coin to see every aspect of my personality, which I do not expect from anyone now. Just I wish that before perceiving something about someone, one should keep in mind that there are always two sides of the same coin….