No place to call home….

Image source:http://stuffpoint.com/nature/image/250515-nature-endless-journey.jpg

My decision to move ahead in life was a bed of thorns in itself. I knew it would not be an easy journey to establish myself as a totally different person amongst a crowd of talented individuals, but I was firm in my resolve. I left behind everything, which a person calls own and set my foot on a rekindling journey, without a second thought.  

That was an opportunity for me, a blessing which I sought for long. No prayer goes in vain; you just need to stand strong to show your dedication to your goal. The same was the case with me. The things I wished for long seemed in reach, from where I stood at that time…. It was like a dream come true…

But no matter how big, happiness is always momentary. What is permanent is gloom… And to overcome the gloom and sadness that hides in the crest of our heart, persistence, patience and self-satisfaction is the key determinant. Everyone feels sadness in some form or the other, many times in a month, but what matters the most is our ability to fight it back. 

I discovered the power of self-satisfaction a while ago when I found out that accumulation of achievements, fame and money was not my life goal. All I wanted was a sense of satisfaction and belongingness in whatever I do and wherever I lived. 

Over the years, I might have succeeded in attaining a state of self-satisfaction, but one thing continued to haunt me and this fear keeps on growing each day. The feeling of detachment: detachment from my surroundings, workplace, people and the place where I live.

Suddenly it seems that the whole idea of a dream and the journey of fulfilling your dreams are so shallow. In the journey to reach our dream, we keep on moving and on the way, we keep on moving away from things which one had an important place in our lives. I never regret the decisions I take, but sometimes I feel so alone, so empty. When I say that I have no place to call home, I want to read my heart out aloud that no matter what I do, no matter how close it might be to my heart, I feel so detached with everything. I am unable to find a purpose, a reason for my actions lately. 

I see friends becoming nostalgic when someone mentions home and family when I feel no such attachment to any place. I feel alone and am completely comfortable with the idea. I am not even cribbing about not having a place to call home, but for once, hollowness shakes me too. Many would think while reading, where did my home go? It is at the same place, where it has been for years. In a quaint surrounding of a small city, but I do not feel like visiting the place. 

Maybe, there is a feeling which I have either lost in the journey or have not even discovered. But I do not feel nostalgic about anything now. For once, I wish to experience the happiness which I see on a person’s face who talks about his/her home.

I am strong and determined, but now I wish to slow down and would love to have an idea of the beauty of lives. But I guess I am at the far end of this journey, still in the middle, where my vision does not allow me to have a clear view of where I am headed to, neither I am able to see what I left behind.

My journey continues…. like a nomad, in search of own self…